Home › Occasions › Funeral › Condolence message
Bereavement guide

Condolence message: finding the right words for the card

A condolence message only needs a few lines. Here you will find examples grouped by situation, from close family to a neighbour you barely knew, along with short wordings for the card that goes with the flowers and for the ribbon on a wreath.

See the examples 6 situations · ready-to-copy examples
Blank cream sympathy card on a linen cloth with a fountain pen and a single white rose
Two lines written by hand

Nobody finds the words easily after a death. The family will read your card among many others, sometimes several weeks after the funeral. The messages they keep are the personal ones, the ones that name the person who has died and recall something true about them. We have gathered examples here that you can copy straight out, sorted by your relationship to the bereaved.

Use them as they are, or keep a single sentence and adapt it to your own situation. Two sincere lines are worth more than a paragraph borrowed from a template. If your message goes with flowers, our funeral flowers page will help you choose the arrangement and arrange delivery to the right address.

Before you write

How to write a condolence message

01

Keep it short and sincere

Three or four lines are enough. A brief message in your own words means more than a full page. If a sentence sounds false when you read it aloud, take it out and do not replace it.

02

Name the person and share a memory

Write their name rather than ’your loss’. If you knew them, add one precise memory: something they always said, a small kindness, a habit at the table. That detail is what the family will read again years later.

03

Offer help that is specific

Instead of ’let me know if you need anything’, offer something with a date attached: collecting the children, bringing a meal, doing the Saturday shopping. A bereaved family rarely asks for help, but it will accept help that is offered.

04

Write by hand, then sign with your full name

A handwritten card stands apart from a printed one. Sign with your first name and your surname: the family receives a great many cards and may not recognise handwriting or a first name on its own.

05

Match the tone to the relationship

Keep the level of formality you normally use, whether that means first names or Mr and Mrs. This is not the moment to change it. Only use a religious wording if you know the family’s beliefs, otherwise stay neutral.

For the immediate family

This card will be read more than once, so name the person who has died and keep everything very simple.

For a close friend

With someone close, the card can stay very personal and end with one concrete offer.

For a colleague or a work contact

Stay formal, and one practical offer is worth more than a long turn of phrase.

For a neighbour or an acquaintance

A few restrained lines are enough, with an offer of help you can genuinely follow through.

Short wordings for the card sent with flowers

On this small card, one or two lines are enough, followed by your signature.

Wording for the ribbon on a wreath or spray

The ribbon is narrow, so three to five words will fit and no more.

Best avoided

Best left unsaid

  • ’I know exactly how you feel’ No two people grieve in the same way, and the sentence moves the attention on to you.
  • ’He is in a better place now’ Wordings that make the loss smaller suggest that the family’s sorrow is not quite legitimate.
  • ’It is a release after such a long illness’ Returning to the circumstances of the death imposes a reading the family never asked you for.
  • ’It reminds me of losing my own father, I went through just the same thing’ A message that dwells on you obliges a grieving family to comfort the sender.

Sending your message with funeral flowers

A message carries further when it arrives with flowers, whether that is a bouquet sent to the house, a spray for the church or a wreath for the graveside. The card then stays very brief and the ribbon carries three to five words. Our funeral flowers page (/fleurs-deuil/) helps you choose the arrangement and have it delivered before the service.

Choose funeral flowers ↗

Frequently asked questions

What do you write when you barely knew the person who died?
Stay with your real connection to the family. A sentence of sadness, a thought for those closest and one concrete offer of help are enough. Do not invent a memory: ’I only knew your father by name, but I am thinking of you’ is perfectly acceptable.
Should the message be handwritten?
We recommend it. A handwritten card shows that you took a moment for this family. If you are self conscious about your writing, go slowly with a fountain pen or a black fine liner and keep to two or three lines.
How do you sign a sympathy card?
With your first name followed by your surname. The family receives many cards and will not always place a first name on its own. You can add your connection in a few words: ’colleague from the Lausanne office’ or ’neighbour from Chemin des Tilleuls’.
Can you send a condolence message by text or email?
In the first hours, a text or a voice message is entirely appropriate for saying that you are there. The card is then the gesture that gets kept. We suggest both: a quick word when you hear the news, then a written card before or after the service.
How many words fit on a wreath ribbon?
Three to five words and no more, because the ribbon is narrow and the lettering is large. ’To our dear mother’, ’With all our love’ or ’A last farewell’ all work well. The florist will ask you for this wording when you place the order.

Send your message with flowers

Choose a bouquet, a spray or a wreath on our funeral flowers page, then give the wording for the ribbon when you place your order.

Choose funeral flowers ↗
fleuristes-en-ligne.ch